Friday, April 27, 2012

Itemized.

I like making lists. I also need them. I blame it on a bad memory, ADHD, and a deep-seated desire to be more organized. Making lists helps me accomplish things. I don't always accomplish everything that's on my lists (sometimes I forget I even have a list!), but I accomplish more than if I didn't have a list in the first place.

LIST TIME!

Read more books.
Take more pictures.
Clean my room.
See some live music.
Leave the city. 
Leave the country.
Leave the continent.
Go to the gym.
Go outside.
Cheer the fuck up. 

See, it's important to put some easy items and some harder items. You don't want to put so many items that it's overwhelming, but don't put so few that you limit your options to pick and choose. Time frame is also important. I could technically do half the things on this list today, but instead I'll give myself the rest of the year.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Just kidding.

Ha. I post about happiness, and then shortly after become very unhappy. I guess life is about ups and downs. You need one to appreciate the other, or something cliche.

So. New project. Happiness is too lofty a goal at the moment, I'll settle for "not depressed". I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually I'll get there. It's going to hurt, but eventually it'll hurt less.

Quick backtrack: When I wasn't yet this unhappy...I turned 31. So I'm a little bit older, a little bit fatter, a little bit richer, and...that's about it now. In contrast to last year's huge weekend crawfish boil in 85 degree weather, I opted to be a little more low key, since Tuesday was not nearly as exciting a day, and 45 degrees didn't lend itself to anything outdoors. I had a steak-and-martini lunch with two friends, then met up with 3 other friends for a little vino and small plates in the evening. Had a fancy dinner the following weekend. People gifted me with purple things, glittery things, camera things, and monetary things, and I'm thankful for it all. My cousin Ariana also sent me Grandmother's fur coat, which was a delightful surprise. It has her initials embroidered on the inside pocket. She's the woman I take after physically, who also loved purple, and lived til she was 89. If I turn out to be half the woman she was I'll be fine. Still got a long way to go though.

Someone took a picture of a happy birthday moment. Hopefully I'm smiling even bigger next year.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Project.

So it's been a whirlwind of a year. That's a blanket statement that alludes to a lot without really saying anything at all. And I don't plan to take the time to say it all. But I can say something going forward.

For 8 years I recorded the events of my life in a blog (not this one obviously) and I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed being able to look back on what I'd done (my memory is horrendous, so it was often a surprise to be reminded of fun adventures I'd had). I enjoyed sharing my experiences with others, not in a bragging way, but I like to engage and it was a way to engage with a lot of people at once. I enjoyed the connections I made with these people, with their own blogs, who read mine and vice versa. Some of these people are still really good friends, and despite living thousands of miles away and in most cases having never met them, they know a lot about me, in some cases more than my own family, and have been around through thick and thin.

I guess that's my meager explanation of why I enjoy(ed) blogging. And I'd like it to stop being a past tense pastime.

Also: I'm reading The Happiness Project. It was recommended by my best friend, had decent reviews on Amazon, and my Kindle Fire was really itching to be used more anyway. I am relieved that it is not (at least, not obviously) a self-help book. I'm encouraged by the fact that the woman who wrote it, who "did" the happiness project, was not an unhappy woman to begin with. She wasn't pulling herself out of some depression, she was just looking to improve upon an otherwise perfectly healthy and happy life, because there's always room for improvement, and who the hell wouldn't want to be happier? She did all the research and reading so I don't have to, she's just writing about her methods and her success. So enough of that sales pitch. It's an easy read. It's not super preachy. Pick it up if you'd like.

Anyway, I don't plan to embark on any kind of official happiness project. But I can recognize the need for improvement in a few areas, and I certainly wouldn't be disappointed by more happiness. I put up with way too many things that I shouldn't put up with, to avoid confrontation, but also because I have somehow developed an uncanny ability to just deal with things how they are. All too often I find myself getting comfortable with my current situation and just sticking with it. It's always taken significant events (Hurricane Katrina, unemployment) for me to make significant life changes. Highly undesired wake up calls if you will. I don't like highly undesired wake up calls, and I don't see the point in waiting around for another one just to give me the initiative to make a difference in my life. I don't have any remarkable goals, and I'm not necessarily looking for a remarkable difference. But I can always be better.

It's my life, I'm in control of it, and if I want it to be more awesome, I have to get off my ass and make it more awesome.

Hello? *crickets*

Well I'm the lamest excuse for a blogger ever when it comes to this one. Trying to change that though, stay tuned...